


Keeping Control

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Eating Disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 20:48:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3502298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t that he wanted to look better. He just wanted to have some control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keeping Control

Kurt didn’t hate the way he looked. 

He thought he looked pretty good in his clothes, he liked the color of his eyes and the angle of his face. This didn’t start because he wanted to be skinnier. 

The world began to unravel after graduation. Kurt was one of the most talented people in his class at NYADA but every single audition he went to was met with a shake of the head and a ‘We’ll call if something fits your particular skill set.’

He had to go back to his earlier internship and was subjected to testy clients, rude designers, and demanding coworkers. Hours and hours went into the job with almost no reward. Blaine had to work extra hours at his job teaching voice lessons and went to every audition he could find. 

They were newlyweds and on their own, learning that adult life was much more complicated than they thought. 

At first, the diet was just a way to get a little heavier and shed some stress eating weight. Kurt tracked every calorie and adored the way the numbers went down on the scale. He had control of his food and therefore had control of how much he weighed. Finally, something he did was showing results. 

Then his weight plateaued a little and Kurt had to go to new extremes. 

He was in charge of his weight. He was the one who chose what went into his body and he was the one who could change it. No one else could make him change this. 

So he ate less and less. He obsessed over carbs and sugar. He lost weight and began to see changes in his clothes and in pounds. 

“Honey,” Blaine said softly, hovering behind him. “Do you want me to make you some soup or something?”

“No thanks,” Kurt gave him a tight smile and smoothed his hands down, satisfied at his protruding hips. “I already ate.”

Blaine hesitated, eyes wide and desperate. “I’m sure but it’s potato…your favorite.”

Something in his voice made Kurt pause. “No sweetie, it’s okay.”

Blaine looked down at his hands and took in a shaky breath. “You’re my husband. You know I love you right?”

“Of course I do,” Kurt felt his smile wobble a little. 

“And you know that I want you to be happy,” he looked up and Kurt’s heart broke at the tears in his eyes. “And that I think you’re beautiful. Every day of my life I’m so, so grateful that you want to be with me. You have to know that.”

“I know,” Kurt nodded jerkily. 

“And that I never want to see you in pain or suffering. I just want you to be happy Kurt,” he choked on a sob. “I hope that you’d tell me if you were thinking about hurting yourself. I only want to help you Kurt.”

Kurt felt tears well up in his own eyes. He wanted so badly to tell Blaine that it wasn’t what he thought, that he didn’t want to get thinner because he wanted to please him. 

But if he said anything he would give up the last bit of control he had. 

“Blaine,” Kurt walked to him and gently took his face in his hands. “I’m fine.”

They both knew he was lying but all he could do was brush tears off Blaine’s cheeks and hold on to the last shred of control.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Could you write something about Kurt developing an eating disorder when he and Blaine are older (like late 20s, when they’re married) - in reaction to something negative in their lives.


End file.
